Antonio’s Apples
Antonio is hungry, in the art gallery he works at.
ANTONIO: Oh god man, I’m so hungry, oh, I’m starving right now, no joke.
*Jacques, a friend of Antonio, enters the scene*
JACQUES: Man, I heard about your problem, and I think I got the perfect solution for you. I think I can get you some apples. I know of some pretty juicy apples, man!
ANTONIO: Oh god Jacques, I love you so much right now, I have no idea how to pay you back, you are literally my angel (Jacques suddenly has na angel costume). Hey, that’s what I’m talking about.
JACQUES: Ok, dude, I get it, you love me, I am your idol, you will worship me as your saviour for the rest of your life, etc. The thing is, I saw some amazing apples on the way here. It was, like, half a mile away from here, in a store.
ANTONIO: Thank you so much man, from now on you will be Jacques Jesus for me (Jacques turns into Jesus). See? That’s what I mean!
*next scene: Antonio starts walking down the street, but is stopped by a giant Wall separating him from the store*
ANTONIO: What the hell, man. You know what this looks like? This looks like a major Obstacle that has just appeared between me and my Goal! The fuck man, now I gotta come up with a Plan to neutralize this Obstacle! (Antonio looks at the camera and goes: wink wink nudge nudge)
*a sequence shows Antonio screaming and running into the Wall (cut), punching it (cut) and throwing himself into it. After each cut, his screams get louder*
ANTONIO: You know what, you little liberal wall, I’ve had enough of you. I’m about to destroy you with my facts and logic, that’s right, BECAUSE FACTS DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!!!!!!!
*the Wall seems to be ignoring him*
ANTONIO: My god man, this is not working. I’ve tried to enact the Plan, but Sub-Obstacles kept getting in the way! This Wall is too thick to run through, too hard to punch through, and too dumb to understand my incredibly logical Arguments…
*Jacques appears on Antonio’s shoulder*
JACQUES: Well, guess you will have to pull out your Last Resource.
ANTONIO: What the heck? Jacques, what are you doing on my shoulder? Why are you so short? And, most importantly, WHY IS THERE A GODDAMN WALL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET?
Jacques: Hey, dude, slow down those questions, I’m your Jesus, remember? You can’t expect me to give answers to all of your questions and not to ignore the most intriguing ones! Besides, the Wall is here, it doesn’t matter what brought it here, you have to deal with it.
ANTONIO: Yeah, you must be right. There is no other way. I’ll have to pull out my Last Resource, just once. I must go all out, there is no turning back now.
*a pickaxe with the words “Last Resource” written on it appears on Antonio’s left hand*
JACQUES: WHAAAAAT…wait, Where did that come from?
*Antonio opens and closes his mouth repeatedly while doing a couple of weird gestures*
ANTONIO: It’s just a, huh, hehehe, you know, good old artist trick! Yeah, that’s it.
JACQUES: Hum, but if you had that pick with you the whole time, why didn’t you use it before?
ANTONIO: Hey, go question your mother’s life choices, you sick prophet! People like to see me not because of how believable my actions are, but because of how Much entertainment value they have to them. Did you start doing this yesterday?
JACQUES: Okay, okay, you can breathe now, won’t mention it ever again, sorry for existing.
*Antonio breaks the Wall*
ANTONIO: (looking at the camera) Yeah, I can Only imagine how satisfied you must be with this sound. “Oh yeah, now he will finally get that apple!!!!!” Oh, sorry for that, Jacques, now I’m breaking the wrong Wall.
*Antonio walks through the hole he has created, only to find that the apple store was actually an Apple store*
ANTONIO: (really sad) Oh, I can’t believe it! Jacques has totally owned me! (angrily speaking) If I get him, no, WHEN I get him, oh yes, I will…(sees the new Mac model) I will…I mean, this new Mac model is looking sharp!
*Cut to Antonio checking out at the store, holding a big box containing the latest Mac*
???: Hi, Antonio, what a great surprise to see you here!
ANTONIO: Hey, Marie (the clerk working this shift is Marie, Antonio’s friend)! Glad to see you too, gal! It’s actually a long story. Anyway, I’m starving right now, and I have no Food on me! Wanna go grab something later?
MARIE: Of course, I’d love to! I still have plenty of Food on me, I can share. Oh, by the way, did you eat all that apple I gave you yesterday? We could mix it in, maybe…
ANTONIO: (frozen and horrified) Wait, did I already have an apple on me?
MARIE: Yeah, man, don’t you remember? You said you had ran out of fruit.
*Antonio runs into a ball and starts to cry*
POST CREDIT SCENE
*Antonio and Marie are sharing an apple together in Marie’s apartment*
ANTONIO: (gets the apple and takes a big bite) Wow, this is tasting really good…
MARIE: (gets the apple and takes an even bigger bite) Are you kidding me? (munching) I only buy the dopest fruits of NYC. Do you really think I would care to eat fruit if it was old and rotten? Next thing you’ll be saying I choke on it!
*Both go “pffft”, one after the Other, then together. After that, they start to laugh loudly, and the scene fades away*
